As my kids get older, the thing that worries me the most is watching them become more independent and need me less. I know that is the goal – they need to be strong independent adults! I am just not ready for that, and they still have a lot to learn. So as they go from tweens to actual full blown teens, I am working hard to keep the communication channels WIDE open.
When my girls were in fifth grade, I started Coffee Dates with Mom.
Either one of my girls can ask me to take them on a Coffee Date – and we go alone, just the two of us. During the date, we go to a coffee bar and the girls can ask me any questions they want about any subject they want. I have promised to be completely open and honest and not judge anything they have questions about. The coffee dates started so that my girls would know about puberty and what their body is going through. Their first coffee date had to happen before they received the puberty class at school. I didn’t want any misunderstandings or false information about growing up filling their minds.
Our coffee dates are not frequent, but are very important to the girls. Periodically they ask if we can plan another date for coffee. And as the girls grow up, the subjects get more delicate. I really don’t care what they ask me. I am so happy that they want to ask me and want to hear my thoughts. We end up discussing the hard topics that a lot of parents and teens cannot discuss.
The open discussions are getting easier and they sometimes find their way to the family dinner table too. We have had some dinner conversations where my husband wanted to crawl under the table until it was over! The point is – the girls talk to us! And very openly.
We have both learned that most of the time, listening to them is more important than talking. And believe me, sometimes we can’t get a word in edgewise, even if we wanted to. We are doing everything we can to make sure the communication doors are wide open. We have a few years left with them until they go off and become the strong independent people we know they will be. But, in the meantime, we pause the TV when one of them decides that they need to tell us the most important story of the day…. and we LOVE to listen to it!
Open communication is so important at all stages of childhood. I love that you started the Coffee Date. That is a fabulous idea – what fun! My husband also did daddy daughter dates.
What a fantastic idea and what a caring, smart mom you are!